An Open Letter

I remember the day I decided to join the gym after I had my Son. I had been cleared by my doctor to work out and I knew it was time to do something more than just going for walks. I remember walking through the doors of this shiny new establishment, filled with hard bodies and beautiful people. I was absolutely terrified! I was a frumpy, young new mum who didn’t quite bounce back the way others my age did. I was a lumpy hot mess with absolutely no self confidence. I have honestly never felt as intimidated than I did that day. It was horrifying. I took a deep breath and soldiered on. I made myself a promise that I was going to join this Gym and I was going to love it… Or tolerate it, whichever came first.

When I walked through the door, I was met by this muscle bound young man and to be completely honest, I was so grateful it was a man who was signing me up. I would have probably run out the doors if I had of been greeted by a phenomenally fit girl. The guy who signed me up was the “typical” gym employee. Tanned and toned. The exact person you would expect to see when you walk into a gym. We went through the usual Q&A. Why I was joining (it took all my might not to respond with, ‘dude, I’m fat), what I wanted to achieve and what were my goals and expectations. I didn’t know the answers, I felt on the spot like I was being interrogated for my reasons for not wanting to be a chunky monkey anymore. I just said to him, I’m a new mum, I want to get fit again and lose the baby weight. Standard answers for such questions. He signed me up and I was gifted 3 free Personal Training sessions for my troubles! 

I left that day feeling hopeful. Like things were going to change. Like I was going to get a piece of myself back. I had grand plans of gym attendance. I would go to the gym 3 days a week and walk on the other days. Unfortunately, with a baby and the general fear of creches when they are so little, I didn’t have a great deal of spare time under my belt. I was lucky enough to have 2 wonderful women in my life who would come and watch the small one so I could go and work out. I was also going to take full advantage of the free PT sessions. I didn’t want to sign up as a permanent thing, I just wanted someone to teach me the ropes and send me on my way. I work best in that sort of environment, at least I used to. I got my text to book in my session and organised it for a Tuesday night at 6pm. I was extremely excited. I was ready. I wanted to see change. My session also happened to be with the guy who signed me up which put me at ease as it was a friendly face.

The night of my session was a clusterfuck to say the least. I walked in to a gym filled with fit, beautiful people and I wanted to vomit a little. I was ready to turn around and walk out because I felt so defeated and I hadn’t even started. I persevered and headed to the waiting area for my PT to turn up. I was a little early, as you generally are when its something like this. You want to show you’re ready and you are dedicated. So I waited. and I waited. and I waited. for 20 minutes past my PT time, I waited. I thought, did I get my time wrong? I checked my text, nope I’m here at the right time. Did he forget? I went to the reception to get the stunning girl behind the desk to see if he was here, she paged him and said he’s not far off. By this point, I thought, he must be held up with another client, he will only be a couple of minutes away. A further 10 minutes passed and he finally sashayed over to me. He seemed very inconvenienced by my presence, but I put on my happy face even though my soul was slowly dying. My whole half hour session, I could feel how badly he didn’t want to be there. He was distracted by the TV’s, by the hot chicks working out and clearly wanted to be elsewhere. I left that session fighting back tears and feeling absolutely destroyed and completely embarrassed.

Over this last week, while scrolling through Facebook, a familiar face popped up in a community group I’m in. I had asked a question about local walking tracks and a guy gave me a few tips. I thanked him and thought, you look familiar, but kept going about my business. It was frustrating me so I put on my Facebook detective/stalker hat. I dug a little deeper and I realised who he was. He was the PT!! He had other posts in the community group about Bootcamps and how he is looking for new mums to help them along in their fitness journey! To say I was triggered is an understatement, hence this blog! Sure, when I met him, he was young and quite possibly a bit inexperienced, but my story is no different to the women he is now chasing for business! Is it because he has a wife now? A wife who is the mother to their young child? is it because has now seen first hand what happens when the woman you love gives up a part of their soul and their bod to bring life into this world? Is it because he has seen how broken a woman feels when they have been left with a body they never expected they would have? If thats the case my friend, I applaud you for seeing the light. For growing and seeing the difference you can make on someones whole day by being in there corner and supporting them through their difficult journey. 

But please, I beg you. Do not try and make a quick buck off a woman’s desperation and pain/ Be compassionate, be kind and be understanding. We as mothers are trying to rebuild a sense of self. Trying to regain that lost confidence, that lost little bit of soul that got left behind. We are coming to you for your expertise and your help! We are vulnerable, we are tired, we are trying to balance a very thin line between awake and delusional. Sometimes, that trip to the gym is an hour of peace and quiet. An hour that we don’t have to be mum. So, to have someone understand that we are there because we want to be is important! 

My journey thus far has been a long and tiresome one. I have been through different gyms, different at home programs, different park workouts, different PT’s and for the most part, I have been left feeling regected and like I was just another number. It can take a long time to find the perfect match, and I am so lucky that I have found that now. By having the right people in my corner has seen me come so far in the short space of a year, I have had more progress in the last 12 months than I had in the last 7 years, simply because I found a crew who are in my corner and want to see me change and grow into a strong woman, in body and in mind.