Apples and Oranges

Raise your hands if you’ve ever felt personally victimised by clothing? I’m going to go out on a limb and say, 90% of you have. Shit, I could even say 95%. Clothing sizes in Australia have got to be as inconsistent as the Prime Ministers.

This last few weeks, I’ve been lurking around on Instagram and I’ve noticed a lot of ‘influencers’, when plugging an activewear brand or even just a clothing brand, they make mention of the size they purchased. Now, I have questions. 

1. Why is your size relevant to the brand? 

2. Do you believe that all of your followers will be the same size as you?

3. Why is it necessary to advertise the size of clothing you are able to fit in to?

4. Do you take into consideration that this sort of mentality could quite easily create even more insecurity in your following??                        Because lets face it, we don’t all look like you!       

Now, I know that a lot of us mark our success by the size of clothing we started in and the size that we now fit. It seems to be a badge of honour. I’m definitely not taking aim at anyone who uses their clothing size as a trophy, because I do it too. It’s nice to be able to go and buy a smaller size and feel that instant feeling of elation and accomplishment. What gets to me is why is it so important? Why is our focus ALWAYS on the way we look and what size and even what fucking brand of clothing we wear? I can tell you why, because we have been conditioned to believe, as a female, that our worth is determined by our size, our body shape, our chest size, our waist, our looks. Are you seeing a pattern here? 

There was a news story that broke earlier this week, where a young woman had her drink spiked at a club in Western Australia. She did the right thing by contacting the establishment to let them know what had happened and to consider their security levels. The owner, an older man with 3 sons, fired back at this young woman asking her why she thought she was special enough to be drugged…… I’m not going to down the rabbit hole of his misogynistic manner because I would be here all day. My point is, he deemed this woman not attractive enough to be drugged. Why? Because she was curvy, because she wasn’t a fucking supermodel in his eyes.  Again, a woman’s worth determined by her physical appearance. That shit does my absolute nuts in..

Whilst I digress, I do have a point and it does go back to the power that social media influencers hold in their hands. Young women, even older women and everyone in between look up to these people for inspiration. They look to them for guidance. They look to them to make changes in their own lives. So, why can’t we start seeing a more positive use of this platform? Because size and sex appeal is what sells. I’m waiting to see someone showing their next workout without the need to see their ass popping out in booty shorts. I’m waiting to see practical sports bras that are perfect for people with natural big boobs, not just fake ones that sit exactly where the surgeon left them. Women are eating this shit up thinking their own success will be when they can fit the same size as their favourite influencer. 

I go on a unfollowing spree at least once a week, because I get sick of seeing someone who I honestly admired to begin with, selling out to the pressure of Instagram and the need to wear less to get more. I just want to see at least one fucking person stay true to their original message. Your size is not important, your mental health is. I would love to see everyone go through the accounts they follow and do a little experiment. I want you to watch their stories, go through their feed and ask yourself these questions:

1. Do they inspire me with their message?

2. Does their content make me feel empowered?

3. Do I feel inadequate because of their content?

4. Do I feel like I will be worth more if I look like them?

5. Am I comparing myself to them?

If you get more no’s than you get yes, please. Unfollow them. You owe it to yourself and your own journey to not have the hangup of constantly worrying that you’re not good enough because you don’t look like someone who’s job it is to look that way. 

Breaking the cycle

Once again, it's been a minute. I’ve been locked down dealing with life shit, that this little blog just keeps getting ignored. It’s not intentional. I love writing. It gives me a place to go where I can let it all out with no care of what anyone thinks. Life has gotten in the way, big time. I’ve changed jobs, had some major real life woke moments that have given way to clearing out negativity and nastiness and I’ve realised I’m worth a hell of a lot more than I’ve been given credit for.

It’s amazing what a clear head and a drama free life with do for you. It’s so nice to wake up in the morning and not dread the day ahead. I still have rough days, but nothing like what I’ve experienced in the last 12 months. 

Some of you may get from the tone of my blogs, I am not down for shit behaviour. I don’t tolerate people intentionally setting out to make people feel like shit. I won’t entertain it. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to rid myself of people like this, and I can tell you now, it feels amazing. I’ve been able to give myself room to grow and heal and not let these sorts of people get in the way of my happiness.

It takes a lot to get me down. I have the thickest skin out, but when people are frequently and consistently negative toward you or downright nasty, it eventually takes it toll. Human nature will step in and we will defend ourselves. We lash out, we say shit in the head of the moment, we get nasty back. Does it make you feel any better? For me, it did for the moment, but after a while, the guilt sets in and you realise you are no better than the person who has treated you this way.  If you have someone in your life like this, my condolences, you’ve got yourself a narcissist. 

Narcissists are the actual worst in every facet. They treat you like shit and when you fire back, you’ve created the problem. They play the victim even though it's their villain behaviour that has caused you to react. Narcissists will make you believe that everything is your fault. I am here to tell you though, you are not to blame. Again, it's human nature to react defensively when people continually try to break you down. I’ve been put in this situation for such a long time, that I truly started to believe I was in the wrong, that I had created a problem, but it took a lot of digging deep to realise, I was not to blame.

One thing I learned in my journey of drama, I can only control MY actions. For a long time, I controlled my reactions in a negative way. Biting back, nasty memes and pointed comments, but after a bit of soul searching and conversations with my tribe, I knew that wasn’t the answer. So, I just stopped. I stopped reacting, I stopped biting, I stopped being an asshole, because I knew it wasn’t going to win the battle, but it sure as shit would win the war. When you stop giving a narcissist oxygen, they will eventually shrivel up and die. It is excessively difficult to turn off your reactions, but I can promise you, once you stop giving the drama energy, it will start to die and they will move on to their next victim.

I’ve spent way too long worried about what nasty comment will be coming next, what post will be directed at me via social media, what nasty shit will get said behind closed doors. It’s not worth my mental energy, in all honesty. I know my worth and I know I’m worth more than that. I’m worth more than their jealousy, their insecurities, and if I’m honest, I pity the journey they are on. It must be a sad life to live if you have to spend it trying to tear down other people in order to lift yourself up.

If we can take anything away from this, just be kind. Kindness costs not a single thing. You really don’t need to be besties with everyone, you just need to not be a dick. It’s really not that hard to not be a massive thunder c*nt, so give it a try. You might even start to feel better about yourself.

Where the Mean Girls hide.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, when will the hateful madness end??? When will the battle of the bitches cease to exist? I honestly am borderline embarrassed to be a woman some days, because all we seem to do is tear each other down to lift ourselves up.

For as long as I can remember, society has always had a way of being at the forefront of the women against women movement. For some ungodly reason, the idea of women getting along and supporting one another is a real problem, and the biggest  problem of them all is that as women, we’ve fallen into the trap. We have forgotten what it means to be a part of a sisterhood who stand by one another in their time of need and protect each others hearts.

I’m not saying it has to be a massive love in where we all are besties, because lets face it, not everyone is meant to get along. I’m a big believer in realising that you don’t need to like everyone and everyone doesn’t need to like you. I think its completely fine to dislike someone, its human nature. Whats not ok is using that dislike to drag someone down, to make yourself feel like a better person. Because, lets face it, if you actively go out of your way to make people feel like shit, because of your dislike to them, you are a despicable human being. You lack the moral integrity to just accept how you feel and move on. Your actions are childlike and down right embarrassing. 

Making fun of someones appearance, their weight, their job, their hair style, their lifestyle, just because you think its your god given right to, is not ok. How about trying this, get your nose out of their life. Get your nose out the things they do, and you will likely find that you will be consistently less offended by their existence.

I have seen some really fucking horrible things being said on social media platforms by women about other women. Calling them fat, sluts, whores, skinny cunts. The list is endless. And the worst of it all is, this is coming from women, not girls, not teenagers. Full grown women who should fucking know better!!!!! If they have daughters, what sort of example are they setting? What sort of values are they teaching their children? They are opening degrading and treating others like rubbish and showing their children that its perfectly ok for them to do the same. I honestly weep for the next generation, that are being brought up to think this behaviour is ok, when plain and simply, its fucking not. The mean girl mentality is getting completely out of hand and when its coming from full grown women, its even more atrocious because simply put, we should know better. I can only imagine they have been through something similar themselves, so it baffles my mind that they deem it appropriate to do it to others.

I have a son. A son I’ve taught to treat others how you want to be treated. Treat girls with respect and treat your brothers with the same. I would be disgusted and ashamed if he ever treated someone in this manner, because that is not how I have raised him. I have taught him its ok not to like someone and for them not to like you. I am far from perfect myself, I’ve learned the hard way that my actions have consequences, and speaking horribly of people is only going to come back and bite me in the ass. So I take the high ground, I take the path of least resistance and move on from what others think of me, because I’m not going to continue to lower myself to that level and make people feel the way I have been made to feel.

I know the world isn’t going to change overnight, society will not change when we are so competitive with one another. Unfortunately, this is the new world order. BUT, that is no excuse for allowing it to continue. SO, how can you help be the change you want to see in the world? Its really not hard. It goes back to the simple values our parents taught us as children, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you can’t bring yourself to say something nice, keep your mouth shut. You don’t know the power of words, and how much they can destroy someone. If you don’t like someone, don’t make it your personal mission to make their lives hell, you just end up looking like a giant fucking asshole in the end.