Once again, it's been a minute. I’ve been locked down dealing with life shit, that this little blog just keeps getting ignored. It’s not intentional. I love writing. It gives me a place to go where I can let it all out with no care of what anyone thinks. Life has gotten in the way, big time. I’ve changed jobs, had some major real life woke moments that have given way to clearing out negativity and nastiness and I’ve realised I’m worth a hell of a lot more than I’ve been given credit for.
It’s amazing what a clear head and a drama free life with do for you. It’s so nice to wake up in the morning and not dread the day ahead. I still have rough days, but nothing like what I’ve experienced in the last 12 months.
Some of you may get from the tone of my blogs, I am not down for shit behaviour. I don’t tolerate people intentionally setting out to make people feel like shit. I won’t entertain it. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to rid myself of people like this, and I can tell you now, it feels amazing. I’ve been able to give myself room to grow and heal and not let these sorts of people get in the way of my happiness.
It takes a lot to get me down. I have the thickest skin out, but when people are frequently and consistently negative toward you or downright nasty, it eventually takes it toll. Human nature will step in and we will defend ourselves. We lash out, we say shit in the head of the moment, we get nasty back. Does it make you feel any better? For me, it did for the moment, but after a while, the guilt sets in and you realise you are no better than the person who has treated you this way. If you have someone in your life like this, my condolences, you’ve got yourself a narcissist.
Narcissists are the actual worst in every facet. They treat you like shit and when you fire back, you’ve created the problem. They play the victim even though it's their villain behaviour that has caused you to react. Narcissists will make you believe that everything is your fault. I am here to tell you though, you are not to blame. Again, it's human nature to react defensively when people continually try to break you down. I’ve been put in this situation for such a long time, that I truly started to believe I was in the wrong, that I had created a problem, but it took a lot of digging deep to realise, I was not to blame.
One thing I learned in my journey of drama, I can only control MY actions. For a long time, I controlled my reactions in a negative way. Biting back, nasty memes and pointed comments, but after a bit of soul searching and conversations with my tribe, I knew that wasn’t the answer. So, I just stopped. I stopped reacting, I stopped biting, I stopped being an asshole, because I knew it wasn’t going to win the battle, but it sure as shit would win the war. When you stop giving a narcissist oxygen, they will eventually shrivel up and die. It is excessively difficult to turn off your reactions, but I can promise you, once you stop giving the drama energy, it will start to die and they will move on to their next victim.
I’ve spent way too long worried about what nasty comment will be coming next, what post will be directed at me via social media, what nasty shit will get said behind closed doors. It’s not worth my mental energy, in all honesty. I know my worth and I know I’m worth more than that. I’m worth more than their jealousy, their insecurities, and if I’m honest, I pity the journey they are on. It must be a sad life to live if you have to spend it trying to tear down other people in order to lift yourself up.
If we can take anything away from this, just be kind. Kindness costs not a single thing. You really don’t need to be besties with everyone, you just need to not be a dick. It’s really not that hard to not be a massive thunder c*nt, so give it a try. You might even start to feel better about yourself.
