Fear(less)

Fear. What a wonderful little emotion. Fear creates a purpose, a reason. What fear also does is tricks your mind into believing you can't. But how the hell do we move past the fear and start moving towards what is on the other side of that fear?

One of my biggest fears in the world is Spiders. Spiders do things to my emotions that I really don’t think is healthy. They say fear is a product of your environment. Outside influences, like your family and friends are apparently the biggest contributors to your fears. Well then, thats interesting to me, because I’m pretty sure that the Huntsman Spider the size of my palm that came running out of my rollerblade when i was 11, or the Redback Spider that sat on my shoulder while I was writing when I was around the same age have EVERYTHING to do with my fear….. I consider my arachnophobia a fear of purpose. I fear what could actually kill me given that they are poisonous beasts and this wonderful country I live in is full of the poisonous little fuckers! But the other fears I have, do they have a purpose? Or are these fears I have created in my own head because I believe I cannot achieve.

A few years back, I was in to Pole Fitness. I absolutely loved it. I went to classes 3-4 times a week. I was obsessed! I danced for roughly 2 years, and was starting to move into the advanced aspect. The hard tricks. The stuff that you see professional Pole Dancers do in competitions and you think to yourself, super powers must play a part in this madness. Mind you, I wasn’t even remotely that good. I flew by the seat of my pants through most of my Pole career. I would always pull a rabbit out of my hat for grading day. Thats a talent that has taken many years to perfect, mind you!

One night, We were practicing deadlift inverts (ie, no jumping into your invert, you needed nothing but pure strength to get your ass to point north, not south). I was getting pretty good at dead lift inverts, it was bloody hard for me because I have little in the way of upper body strength, but it was something i was determined to nail, so I worked my booty off. On this night, I was having to invert and then caterpillar climb up the pole (upside down climbing is a WHOLE other world). When I was upside down, something happened, something I to this day have absolutely no recollection of. I lost all contact points on the pole, all my life lines that kept me glued to brass, just came unstuck. I hit the ground with such incredible force, head first. How I didn’t cause myself a major injury, i will never know. At first, I didn’t realise what I had done. Then, it hit me when the pain kicked in. I went into full blown shock. My husband had to be called to collect me and take me to get checked for a concussion (i escaped with a bloody big bump on my noggin and a very, very bruised ego).

After my fall, I knew I had no choice but to get back on the saddle. Not let the fall stop me. This worked for a few weeks, but, after a while of suddenly not being able to nail a simple invert, I knew I let my fear take over. Fear has a habit of consuming every aspect of the activity you are taking part in and its exceedingly difficult to switch off fear and get on with the job. I was so disappointed in myself.. I didn’t think I would ever let fear take control of me like that, but I did, and I was absolutely livid. It wasn’t long after that I decided to hang up my 8 inch heels for good. That was the ultimate let down. I lived and breathed Pole Dancing. I flew to Melbourne to compete, I was mastering heel clacks, I was almost Fanny to the Floor in my splits, for Christ sake! I let my fear take away the one extra-curricular activity that I was truly passionate about, and its definitely something I probably wont ever let myself forget.

Fast forward to now. Ninja class at Empire. Its a gangsta testing, ass whooping of a class that focusses on grip strength, upper body strength and moves that you see on those amazing shows like Ninja Warrior. We were learning how to do German Pull-ups…. German pull-ups which required me to be upside down. My brain went fucking ballistic!!!! I was already having visions of dropping straight on my head. With the support of my Coach, I somehow managed to flip myself upside down. I was hanging on by my knees and iron gripped fists. I don’t think I have ever held on to something so tight in my life. I wasn’t coming off for anyone. After my first few attempts, and getting over the mild panic attack, I realised what I had done. i had begun to conquer a fear. A  fear that stopped me from doing something I loved. Now, months on from my very first upside down experience in years, I am hanging upside down with no fear, I am standing on my head for minutes at a time and I can finally acknowledge what I've done. I have overcome fear.

There is a song by one of my favourite bands and there is a line that really sticks with me, Fear is the hand that pulls your strings, and its true. Fear is the main contributor to what we do and don’t do in our lives. If you have a fear of flying (I also have one of these, bloody hell, I’m a good time….) you don’t go on soul searching adventures, or even short flights to a new city, if you have a fear of the ocean, you will miss out on a world of wonder and beauty. If you have a fear of failure, will you take that leap into a new direction, probably not. You will stay tied down to boring and mediocre because of the what ifs. If you fear judgement, you spend your days consumed by the idea that people are judging your every move and picking apart the very edges of you. Generally speaking, the people who you think are judging you, are more often than not thinking the Exact. Same. Thing.

Think about this, what if you do fail? Well, you just try again. Failure is nothing to fear. Failure gives us purpose, it gives us stories to tell, it gives us reason to keep trying to do better. Its healthy to be a little scared of the what ifs. The what ifs breathe life into the mediocre and give our days a little more excitement and pizzaz!

I challenge you to do something that you fear. Strike up conversation with a stranger, book a short flight to another city, go snorkelling. If you consistently let your fear control you, you will come to the end of your days with a sense of regret and the “what ifs” lingering in the background, reminding you of the things you had complete control over, that you let control you. My challenge to you also extends as a challenge to myself. I challenge myself to let go of fears that have held me back from achieving so much more. I challenge myself to let go of hate. I challenge myself to show myself some love and appreciation. I challenge myself to book that damn holiday to New Zealand. You only live once, do you want to get to the end of your days and say I wish I did more, or do you want to say, that was one hell of a ride......